Aftercare: The Importance of Taking Care of Yourself and Your Partner(s) After Sexual Activities

Sexual activities can be physically and emotionally intense experiences that leave you and your partner feeling vulnerable and drained. While these experiences can be enjoyable and fulfilling, it is essential to remember that they can also be physically and emotionally taxing. This is where Aftercare comes in.


What is Aftercare?

Aftercare is a term used to describe the physical and emotional care given to individuals after engaging in BDSM activities, kink activities, or any other sexual activities that can leave them feeling drained or emotionally vulnerable. Aftercare is an essential part of these activities as it helps to restore a sense of balance and well-being to the individuals involved.


"Aftercare is a critical part of any BDSM scene. It allows people to come back to reality safely and with a sense of balance, helping them process any emotional or physical reactions they may have had. It's also an opportunity for bonding, checking in with each other, and feeling cared for." 

-Midori, author and sex educator



Examples of Aftercare

Aftercare can take many forms and can vary depending on the individuals involved and the activities they have engaged in. However, some common examples of Aftercare include:

  1. Physical Care: This may include applying ice or heat to sore areas, providing a warm blanket, massage, or providing water or food.
  2. Emotional Care: This may include holding, cuddling, reassurance, or simply talking through the experience.
  3. Psychological Care: This may include providing a safe and comfortable space for the individual to process their emotions and feelings after the experience.
  4. Practical Care: This may include cleaning up the space, helping the individual get dressed, or providing transportation home.


Where does the term Aftercare come from?

The term aftercare has its origins in the BDSM community, where it was initially used to describe the care that is given to individuals after engaging in intense BDSM activities. Over time, the term has been adopted by other communities and is now used more broadly to describe the care given after any fierce or emotionally draining sexual activity.



"Aftercare is an essential part of any BDSM scene, no matter how light or intense it may be. It allows individuals to feel safe, nurtured, and cared for after the experience. It's also an opportunity to connect with your partner and deepen your relationship."

-Princess Kali, Founder of Kinkacademy



Why should you practice Aftercare?

Aftercare is an essential part of any sexual activity, especially those that involve BDSM or kink activities. Here are some reasons why you should practice Aftercare:

  1. Promotes Physical Recovery: Aftercare helps to promote physical recovery by addressing any physical discomfort or pain that may have been experienced during the activity.
  2. Helps to Process Emotions: Sexual activities can be emotionally intense experiences, and Aftercare allows individuals to process their emotions and feelings in a safe and supportive environment.
  3. Builds Trust and Connection: Aftercare is an opportunity to connect with your partner or partners on a deeper level and build trust through open communication and mutual care.
  4. Reduces the Risk of Negative Consequences: Without proper Aftercare, individuals may experience negative consequences such as emotional distress, physical pain, or even trauma. Practicing Aftercare reduces the risk of these negative consequences.
  5. Creates a Sense of Safety: Aftercare establishes a sense of safety and security for individuals, knowing they are cared for and supported after the experience.



"Aftercare is essential for everyone involved in BDSM activities, regardless of their role. It's an opportunity for both parties to connect on a deeper level, and to take care of each other's physical and emotional needs. Without Aftercare, the risk of negative consequences such as trauma and emotional distress is increased."

-Dan Savage, love & sex advice podcast & column & author




How to Practice Aftercare

How you practice, Aftercare will depend on the individuals involved and the activities they have engaged in. Here are some tips for practicing Aftercare:

  1. Communicate: Before engaging in any sexual activity, discussing Aftercare and what each individual may need or want after the experience is essential.
  2. Plan Ahead: Consider what physical, emotional, and psychological care may be needed and prepare accordingly.
  3. Take Your Time: Aftercare should always be timely. Before parting ways, take the time to ensure that both individuals are comfortable and have what they need.
  4. Check-In: It is essential to check in with each other after the experience to ensure that everyone feels okay and to address any concerns or issues that may arise.
  5. Be Flexible: Aftercare may need to be adjusted depending on the individuals involved and their specific needs. Be flexible and willing to adapt to ensure everyone feels safe and supported.
  6. Assignment: Create a after care sheet with your partner(s). What is it that you want. And more specifically, how exactly? Some people like to cuddle after but do they want their jammies on? some people want their stuffy, other want to shower alone. 

    Some more examples to discuss with your partner(s): Cuddling, Massage, Taking a shower or bath together, Offering water or a snack, Having a quiet conversation, Watching a movie or TV show together, Holding hands, Giving compliments or verbal affirmations, Spending some alone time to relax, Listening to music or reading a book together. 


Want to learn more about Aftercare and sex positivity? Read our blog: The 24 best book tips on sex positivity.


In conclusion, Aftercare is an essential part of any sexual activity, especially those that involve BDSM or kink activities. It helps individuals to process their emotions and feelings, promotes physical recovery, builds trust and connection, reduces the risk of negative consequences, and creates a sense of safety.

It is essential to communicate, plan, take your time, check in, and be flexible when practicing Aftercare to ensure that both individuals feel safe, supported, and cared for after the experience. 

Remember, Aftercare is not only about physical care but also emotional and psychological care, and it is a way to show your partner or partners that you care about their well-being and value their trust and vulnerability. By practicing Aftercare, you can help to create positive and fulfilling sexual experiences that leave everyone feeling happy, healthy, and satisfied.

What is your favorite form of aftercare? Leave a comment! 

Continue shopping from our curated brands. 

Zurück zum Blog

Hinterlasse einen Kommentar