Most people still associate sex toys with solo use. Ding, dong, your opinion is wrong. Did you know that sex toys are amazing tools to enhance pleasure and adventure for both you and your partner(s)? Unless you can pulse and vibrate - which I’m pretty sure you cannot - toys can simply do things that our bodies can’t. Therefore, there is no shame in introducing pleasure pals in any kind of relationship. Just know how to do the introduction at the right time and place, with grace and at an easy pace.
During a nationally representative study in the United States, approximately 94% of male vibrator users reported that they had used a vibrator during sexual play with a partner and 82% reported that they had used a vibrator during sexual intercourse. These data support the work of therapists and educators who often make recommendations for the incorporation of vibrators into partnered relationships.
Whether you are in a monogamous relationship and ready to spice things up, or having fun with various curious beings; the sensations of sex toys help people have more consistent and frequent, or complex and intense, orgasms. Case closed. They can’t only help by exploring each others’ sexual preferences, but they can also deepen intimacy and communication. Finding out what tickles your fancy together, is a source of pleasure to be explored. Let’s start exploring.
Check out our 10 tips on how to make your partner(s) use sex toys below:
Unless partners are avid collectors of silicone fantasy dildos, they will most likely feel overwhelmed if a toy is introduced out of the blue. Ease them into the idea by starting a conversation. We are all adults, right? It is nothing crazy that you are discussing; just you and your partner’s pleasure and intimacy. Start with thinking how you would like your partner to introduce sex toys to you, if it was the other way around.
Celebrate both you and your partners’ curiosity. How? By creating a sexy setting, like taking a bath together, while asking open questions. Make sure that you break it down to questions regarding your partners’ preferences, whether it’s vagina play, anal play or something else. What about questions like:
- Which vagina toys and/or anal toys have you used before?
- What kind of sex toys would you like to try once?
- How do you feel about trying out a sex toy?
- Have you ever considered using a toy with me? If so, vagina toys or anal toys?
- What sex toy have you always fantasized about and why?
- What sex toys would you not want to use? Why not?
How would you like your partner or yourself to use a sex toy during sex? And what do you absolutely want to avoid? Talk about your expectations and discuss your boundaries before starting to use pleasure pals. This will increase the chances that using sex toys will be a pleasant experience for the both of you.
You can start sparkling your partner’s interest by, for example, sending a blog, photo, piece of erotic art or video about a topic you find interesting, whether it’s pegging, cockrings or anything else. In a bit of a hardcore modus? Search porn GIF’s with sex toys and send them in sexy texts. Just make sure to tag it NSFW!
Together playing couch potato? Get warm and cozy and start watching sex toy porn, or browse sex toy websites and both share what you find arousing and nice. Combine this activity with a nice glass of wine and just have a laugh. We heard Konfettie.eu is a good place to start online window shopping.
If something is not a boundary, why wouldn’t you try it? If you are in doubt about your boundaries, it would be a good idea to check the wheel of consent by Betty Martin. It explains the art of giving, receiving, doing and 'done to' and helps to understand how you give and receive. “How do you want me to touch you and how do you want to touch me?”
Start using sex toys yourself and let your partner watch. Want to add a little bit more to this dynamic? Tell your partner that it’s not allowed to do anything at all, also no (self-)touching. This will likely spice things up and sparkle your partners’ interest in toys.
Giving your partner control over the toy – if you’re happy doing so – is an effective way of letting them get comfortable with it. Guide them on the basics, show them your favorite settings and speeds and let them use it in whichever way they’d like to. If they want to explore, let them explore!
Venture out of your routine and try something neither of you has done before. Whether that’s pushing the boundaries with a new toy, using the toy on your partner, or incorporating multiple toys into your sex; remember you’re in this together. Because it’s something new, it's exciting for you both. See this as a trial and error and have fun with it!
Both you and your partner have the right to say ‘no’, or withdraw their ‘yes’ at any point. This is called mutual consent. There’s a difference between creating an open setting and actively trying to persuade them into doing something they don’t want to do. Your partner might have an immovable opinion on (specific types of) sex toys, and this must always be respected.
And remember, even when things don't go perfectly or as expected, it's all part of the journey you're taking with your partner, and can help bring you closer as well. Just don’t forget to make sure that your toys are always body-safe. This will avoid UTI's, chemical burns, yeast infections or toys getting lost in your body due to unsafe designs.
Logically, these kinds of happenings will drastically decrease the chance that you and your partner will enjoy exploring. This is even more crucial when you are poly and have multiple partners, especially when you are fluid bonded and share fluids like semen or saliva. Just take care of yourself and your partner(s). You’re worth it.
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